Letter 3: Thinking Back to Childhood

After graduating University and starting a job which would be the perfect start to my career, something within me clicked. I realised that the 9-5 rat race of the corporate world was not for me, and I’ve become dissatisfied with my job at the earliest stage. Day by day, as I noticed the spark within me fizzle out a little more, I realised that I wanted a job that I was passionate about – but I must admit, I’ve had trouble finding my passions.

I’m the type of person who has quick short bursts of excitement towards a new thing, which quickly burns out and I suddenly become disinterested. This has happened many times for example, learning how to crochet, making an app and even kayaking.  Whilst at the time I was genuinely interested in learning these skills, after a few weeks my passion for it seemed to burn out. This is somewhat of a weakness of mine, it’s hard to determine whether I’m genuinely passionate about something, or whether the excitement of something new has sucked me in. This often stops me from trying new things, as I’m scared I’m just going to give up again.

I guess this is the same with my current job, initially I was excited, but the passion has quickly worn off and I’m left stuck again. This has left me somewhat in a predicament, how can I find my passion if everything I’ve tried I’ve given up at? This required a bit of soul searching until I thought of my childhood.

If you think back to when you were a child, what did you love to do? What did you spend most of your time creating and getting involved in and why have you stopped? Once I asked myself this question it clicked. As a child I was very quiet but very artistic, I spent most of my time drawing or reading a book. Whilst I don’t really enjoy drawing anymore, I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing and have continued to do this up until this point – I just hadn’t realised it. I remember telling my friends when I was younger that I was going to be a writer when I grew up, and somewhere along the way, in traditional education, I must have forgotten what I wanted to do. It seemed quite simple really, I’ve continued to read and write, and even had a go at writing a book before, unfortunately I didn’t finish it as I had too much going on at the time.

Looking back to childhood has given me the answer I’ve been searching for, for a long time – I’m passionate about stories, reading and writing and always have been. This has inspired me and sparked my joy again, after a few days of thinking I quickly thought of a plot that I was interested in and have decided to write my own novel. Whether the novel turns into anything or not, thus far I’ve enjoyed writing it. I’ve set myself a daily task to write every day and I’ve made real progress since starting. Typing the book is coming so natural to me, even after a long day at work, typing up my novel is bringing me real joy – and I’m excited what this joy will bring.

Hopefully this blog will also help with sparking my joy, getting my inner creativity and thoughts out into the world.

If you’re having trouble finding your passions, I’d suggest you also think back to childhood and see if there’s anything you can discover from it.

The beginning

A recent first class graduate from University, two weeks after completing my exams I bagged myself a job. I was ecstatic and keen to get onto the job ladder to begin my career. With an ok starting salary and a chance to work in an organisation where I could ‘work my way up’ I couldn’t have been happier. This honeymoon period lasted approximately 4 months, until the reality of working a 9-5 job truly sunk in.

Getting the train into work every morning with all the other miserable commuters, it got me thinking. Is this what I want my life to be? Do I want to work from 9-5 at an office every day? Do I want to compete with other employees for days off work? Do I want to dread waking up early every morning to do the same commute again? The answer is no.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a 9-5 job, but the reality of working in one has made me realise that actually, it might not be for me. There are also times where I am enjoying my work, but it seems to be few and far between as the months go on. If I’m starting to feel this way now, how am I going to feel years down the line when this is the only thing I’ve done with my time? I resent spending the majority of my time away from family in an office block and then being too exhausted to spend any real quality time with anyone or spend time doing things I love.

I’ve come to the realisation that if I don’t want my life to be spent in an office, I need to decide what it’s going to be and make that change. On this blog, I’m going to document my own creative journey. I want to discover what I love doing, what I would wake up early for and spend all day doing, what would make me excited to wake up – something that won’t make me go to bed with dread.

So join me on my journey of self discovery! Lets see where this thing takes me…